You want my story you say? It will not take long, you are only asking for some sort of fascinating tidbit or two? Well, I cannot account as to why you should ask, or why I am to be bothered by such requests. I am a cultural icon, madam. I need not crack my shell open for the world to see, or give you, a commoner, the nuts and bolts of my life. What do I look like? Do I resemble some sort of banal braggart, or dimwitted dupe? I assure you I am neither. Nay, I am a lofty legume. I am to be respected and revered.
Oh, what’s that you say? You simply desire a simple tale, and cannot fathom why I fuss. Well, for one thing I am certainly not some simpleton. I am sophisticated and I am a gentlemenut. I have no time for games or gossip. I wear a top hat and a monocle. I carry a cane with white gloves. Spectacular spats take me where I want to go. I am nearly a century old. I do not care to entertain you with common speech or vulgarities even. Good day…. What? PayDay? No, you wisecracking wench! I said, GOOD DAY ma’am.
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